Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
