2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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