after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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