I murdered the dance floor call the cops
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
