ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Randomize
