so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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