he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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