Pappa wants mamma naked
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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