I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
