New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
