he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
