i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
