I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
