I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
