Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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