Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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