I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
