So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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