You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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