How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
