4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
