finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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