This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
