when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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