he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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