I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
