Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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