I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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