Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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