Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
