I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
