My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
