i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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