The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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