Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
