yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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