Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
