Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
