The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
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