you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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