I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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