She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
