I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
