apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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