I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
