Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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