I got chris browned last night
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
