Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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