lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
