I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
