He is an equal opportunity slut.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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