the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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