I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
