can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
